I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
