So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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