She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
