On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
