This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
