Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
