I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
