i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
