just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
