what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
