your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
