i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
