Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
