Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think my moral compass just broke
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
