Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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