I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
