You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
