it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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