he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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