I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
