Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
