Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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