i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
