1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
