Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
