the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
