; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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