I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
