Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
