Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
