never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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