Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
