if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
