i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
