If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were trust falling into bushes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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