she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
