I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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