He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize