Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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