You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
