I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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