yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
