.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
