There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
