WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
