please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
