Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
