My room smells like vodka and shame
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
