So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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