If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
