How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
