either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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