When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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