dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Text me some of your sweat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
