I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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