Nicole vs. Life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wear drunk well.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
