Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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