i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
