Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
