I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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