Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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