We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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