Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
