I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
