Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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