Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
