i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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