What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so much tequila, so little girl.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
