was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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