I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
