Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bring me that man meat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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