The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
