I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
