Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
